Learning to ride the waves of creativity has been another way that lessons on surrender and flow have come up in my life. And as a creative professional whose income relies on my ability to create for others, surrendering to creativity extremely hard for me.
In my corporate past life, my creativity was boxed into masculine energy that demanded that I performed at my peak from 9-5, 5 days a week. Deadlines and budgets dictated how I was to perform, and defiantly not my natural ebbs and flows. Looking back, it is not surprising that my creativity became forced during my day job (which really doesn’t equal creativity at all, but mass manufactured ideas masquerading as inspiration) and I started to lose interest in creating in my spare time.
You would think that when I went off on my own, entrepreneurship would solve all of my creativity issues. But the thing is, I just changed the setting of my work environment, but the structure was still the same. Saying ‘yes’ to everyone who wanted to work with me on whatever project they wanted done, and booking myself back to back with no down time. I was pretty much grasping at any opportunity that came my way with a hungry mindset of lacking, scared to see something pass me by if I didn’t act upon it immediately. Again, it isn’t surprising that even with my new title of ‘entrepreneur’ that my creativity shrivelled up again, and with it my drive to work on my business.
I wanted so badly to be consistent all the time, that my new constant became depletion.
It wasn’t an overnight change by any means, and it is still something that my inner critic likes to provide input on from time to time. ‘No time for rest, have to be productive, there are so many things I have to get done, my worth is in how many things I can cross off my to do list…’
But every year that passes I am getting better at turning down the volume on those destructive thoughts. I am getting better at accepting I am not a machine made for consistency. I am learning how to embrace my ebbs and flows. I am practicing being in the uncomfortable space in between. I am leaning into the flow of creativity and letting it take me along for a ride. And I plan to do more and more of all of these things in 2021.
What do you want to do more of in 2021?